While I am sorry for not blogging lately, there is good reasoning behind this. I have recently received a “starter” package (audio and video downloads) from the ADA organization on ADHD and have been going through it’s contents. I am still researching blah blah blah, lots of the boring stuff that goes behind these posts have been keeping me away. Plus, I have been busy busy and enjoying my month off from school. Many of the problems I am encountering are seeing the same information over and over. I haven’t quite had the “aha!” moment I am in search of.

Last week I had the blah’s hardcore, which were endowed to me from work. These blah’s were the product of some recent micro management. This is rough for anyone. I get so distracted and do many things at once; that logging everything I do seems impossible, and inefficient. Not being productive has its toll, and tends to wear me down. My drive is satisfaction, gratification, and appreciation, which is not included in this new regime. It is temporary, I look forward to next week.

With my new focus intact, I decided to do a little refresher and research on ADHD. As I was scrolling through articles, I noticed many of them entitled, “Women and ADHD”. I picked a couple and started skimming (I have a hard time reading word for word). The more and more I read, I saw the repeated statistic that eighty percent of the ADHD population is male, and it affects women very differently. I also found out that Howie Mandel is an ADHD advocate and diagnosee, but that is beside the point. Intrigued, I tried to research more, but I have been finding a lack of in depth information to be found on ADHD in general, other than the regular known facts.

It is common knowledge that the ADHD inflicted tend to be creative, intelligent, and sensitive. Take these hyper traits and put them into an already emotional, creative woman and it may wreak some havoc. One the problems or disadvantages I was surprised to find was women with ADHD have worsened PMS symptoms and are more likely to develop hormonal problems. Battling hormonal issues myself lately, and hitting close to home, I ponder once again why this isn’t information more readily available or publicized. On top of the problems ADHD already creates, women have the unfortunate circumstance to battle the monthly Aunt Flo. One of the repeated remedies or helpful tips I did find is taking time out of your day. When your creativity does not have an outlet, it gets bottled up and may come out in other undesirable ways. During this time of hormonal dysfunction it is a time to sit back and logically regain focus upon you and what is important. Having an hour to daydream, think, space out, or just “be” is a vital time to allow your mind to relax. It needs rest and the ability to roam freely, instead of constantly fighting urges to stay upon task. It also will allow emotional rest, and to let out your emotional frustration.

Being born without the competitive spirit left me somewhat complacent. Competition does not motivate me to strive harder; I carry no desire to be better than, or outdo peers. I have always been a content soul with only the desire to please my loved ones, or people I look up to. This can be tricky if your goal is only self-beneficial, because you have the tendency to be lazy or procrastinate, no matter how impertinent. We can argue that by bettering ourselves we inadvertently better those surrounding us, however, this takes time to see these results and I need instant gratification, acknowledgement.

Deadlines have been my lifesaver, lists with deadlines, setting dates. Routine is very important for the ADHD inflicted, by implementing a time in my morning to make a list of three things I need to accomplish today (primarily I try to make these things only self beneficial). Being able to check off my list at the end of the day creates the sensation of accomplishment, no matter how small. Many things on my list are as simple as setting an appointment, taking something to a store, or just picking something up. Thus, I have a created a means to complete simple tasks that I normally procrastinate on till too late. Learning what motivates you is an essential part of learning how to deal with ADHD, by doing so you are able to actively “trick” your mind into doing, accomplishing, and processing the jobs/tasks that are necessary. For me, this includes the smallest of tasks, staying focused enough to make a check on my list is motivation for completion.

I have been in pursuit of a focus for this blog. In an attempt to shape this into a more topical blog of sorts, I will be revamping my writing. I pondered last night over the gracious bottle of wine Robert bought me at wine night, on what I know or could write about. I know a lot of little things about a lot of little topics, so this was a long pondering. Finally, after bringing up my ADHD, Robert suggested writing a blog about focus and everything that it encompasses. Since this is such a huge part of my life, I deemed it appropriate. There will still be random posts of personal experiences; I just can’t help myself. Thank you for being patient through my experimental writing prior, and let me know your thoughts.

Apparently Uncommon Goods has bird feeders, and I am very excited about this. I have been in want of a bird feeder lately (I know, I am an old lady), and there’s are so cute! A little bit more than what I wanted to spend on one though, so it is going on the birthday list!

Speaking of which, my nephew, Elijah turned eight today! Happy Birthday Elijah!

I am sure my sister will have blogged all of the birthday pictures by next week. I cannot believe he is eight years old. He is so smart, so much like his mother, but carries his father’s scientist genes. I am so proud of them for raising such a sweet boy. Even if I don’t agree with everything they do (I rarely agree with everything anyone does/says), I will never argue the fact that they are great parents and he is very loved. Oh my, I’m teary-eyed. I wish we lived closer together so I could be a bigger part of their lives, however, I am very grateful that my sister and Daniel make it a point to keep us informed and make sure the boys know we love them from afar. Love you!

My first memory would be of lacquered avocado green cabinets; staring down what seemed like an endless galley kitchen. Peering into the dryer at the end of the galley, I climbed in to savor a forbidden treat. Momma was terrified of hard candy with the fear that we may choke. Ten was marked as the maturity level that would endow us with this treat. I would find moments to devour these sacred treats, finding them irresistible. Being half this level, my sister popped in to check on me. Feeling it was her duty to be my second caretaker, she promptly reported my indulgence to Momma. Dad was the one who partook in the breath examination, which ended in a swat to the butt. As irony would have it, a mere seven years later under the supervision of a friend, my brother was allowed this coveted treat being half the appropriate age. Bouncing around with excitement the lifesaver found its’ resting place within his throat only allowing a little hole for air and water. He would spend the next four hours in the emergency room drinking hot water till the treat dissolved. *heh* Memories.

I stare across the table into tired eyes. Studying her features, I find new wrinkles surrounding her sideways teardrop eyes, and acknowledge the younger appearance supplied by newly dyed hair covering the original white strands. She glances back and forth at me then to him, watching us carefully. Delight and happiness radiate from her as I see her thoughts flowing towards me telling me I’ve found “a good man”. As I turn to glance towards his story, I catch a glimmer of defeat. I sit, closing my eyes to imagine my wrinkled sideways teardrop eyes and newly dyed hair, watching my heart give theirs to another. Diving deeper I imagine myself as her situation surrounds me, then quickly open my eyes. My goal-oriented nature does not want to comprehend her frustration with her circumstances, very well knowing what frustration I would hold. She is moving forward, as I am. We sit in the same place in the same point in time, yet years seperate us.  

 This is absurd, and I feel betrayed. This is not how this should be, or maybe it is and I am just too selfish to appreciate the opportunity to show her, to grow with her.  Her stubborness reeks, clashing with mine.  *sigh* She drives me crazy, I love her to death.