Not much to dispose other than my new lovely list making site, given to me via Amy (Fragmentarie’ s Blog).  www.Listography.com/roslanche  List making has always been a passion, I have five apps on my Iphone just for making different types of lists.   They are just so functional, efficent, and an easy time killer.  I love this because it keeps in one place, and you can just send the link to friends and family if need be.  FABULOUS! 

By the way, I am still waiting upon a rebuttal on my last post from the elusive ThisIsRobV.  I have yet to recieve however, intimidated?

My apologies for not writing sooner. It has been a whole three days. My weekend consisted of completing my economics class, in which I miraculously pulled off a B, and familia. Why must weekends be so short? Two days I not nearly enough. Awaking to the dreadful gloom of a Monday, my mind lingers over the date. Do we have a holiday today? I scramble to my phone and planner, knowing I have highlighted every such occasion only to find that my beloved holiday is May 27th. Why can’t it be May? Ugh.

According to my overly energized co-worker, my blog was lacking a “fun” post, therefore, I have decided to write the following to cheer up my gloomy monday:

1. I know that when the check engine light comes on, that it is indeed a check engine light, rather than a faucet telling you your car needs water.

2. Although he may be holding the highest score (thus far), I am the one who discovered, conquered new heights (breaking the elusive 20K mark), and introduced DoodleJump.

3. Burping volume, and grandeur.

4. Alcohol tolerance, for those of you who have drank with us you know this to be true.

5. Singing, he may fight against this, but my car singing skills are far superior with faking microphone singing, complete uninhibited dancing, and volume. When he mutes the song on me, my pure melodic tune can be heard harmoniously with the AC.

6. Did I mention dancing? My moves far exceed the pointed index finger dance, and moving my hand to each syllable of the rhyme movement. My dancing expertise covers, thug, gangsta (for there is a difference), pop, rock, classical, and even alternative.

7. Creativity, color-wise, I am far more colorful. I am a risk taker, color trendsetter, and extraordinaire. You may say those colors do not go together, but I say, “NAY! They do!”, as I pull them off together gracefully. Whether it be in clothing, or décor I am superior.

8. Though many of my cooking escapades may end up with a room full of smoke, my knowledge of different foods is far superior. I have mastered such foods as risotto, and shrimp scampi; given the opportunity I will rise above.

9. Punctuality, if it weren’t for Robert’s lollygaging we would be more prompts to events. Ugh.

10. Nerdiness. I wrote this blog, point proven.

End of the semester is almost here (thank goodness), and all of spare time has been filled with advisor visits, studying, final quizzes, registration for next semesters (summer & fall), and of course preparing for the final exam. Stumbling through the semester, I was more responsible and disciplined than others, but there is room for improvement (as always). I am taking two Internet courses this semester, American Literature & Government 1, which I am looking forward to. At least, I am looking forward to my Lit class, I miss writing papers as nerdy as that sounds. Goals for this summer semester:

Maintain a set time/ schedule to work on school.

Stay a week ahead of the syllabus incase of any unforeseen situations.

Not procrastinating till Sunday at 9:00 (deadline being 11:00) to turn in assignments. I was very guilty of this crime this past semester.

Get A or B, of course! I am pretty sure I am settling for C’s this past semester. Granted they weren’t my favorite subjects, and I have the hardest time in class if I don’t already have an interest.

Wish me luck, and feel free to keep me accountable on these.  I am more than halfway to my associates!  Then, it is just another 351513168584 years till my bachelors!  One day/ semester at a time, my friends.

Breathe. Waking up late after missing my last minute alarm, I rush to get my clothes on as I fumble to put on deodorant. Grab keys, quick kiss goodbye, I rush to the car only to find traffic. UGH. Get to work thirty minutes late, I have already trampled my morning routine. Have to get my coffee thirty minutes late, therefore, getting my water thirty minutes late, disrupting my regular bathroom break time. My palms begin to sweat as I am rushing through to get the first batch of my work done, staring at the unanswered text on my phone that seems to be screaming at me. A rising sensation of nervousness captures my chest, and threatens regular respiratory functions. Knowing that I have to cut my lunch in half in order to go to school early to speak with an advisor; I forgot my lunch. Double UGH… Double gasp.

I have stated before that I am a creature of routine, of habit. When this routine is rudely interrupted, there is a feeling of desperation. Miss Little Voice in my head starts to query, “there most be some force against me today”, “You can’t handle this”. After taking a five minute breather and regaining control of my cognitive processes, I can logically say that Miss Little Voice is wrong. I shouldn’t rely on my boyfriend’s last minute alarm; I’ve just been too lazy to input it on my own phone. The work will still be there, and with the lack of work there will be plenty of time to complete it. Really? A thirty-minute difference for water, coffee, and bathroom breaks? What is wrong with me? For the lunch, I can easily ask one of my co-workers to bring me something back. I KNOW it will be ok, that these are minute interruptions in my self imposed routine. These experiences have gotten fewer in between, for I have learned to manage and regain control more efficiently of these panicked feelings. Anxiety still manages to creep upon me from time to time, creating a chaotic and helpless feeling. Thoughts rush back and forth at such speeds I cannot compute or keep track of them myself. *sigh* Anxiety. It blows.

Sleepy, ever so sleepy.

I am suddenly crashing.

With four more hours

Glaring down at me

I had a glorious weekend with lots of fun, and plenty of laughs. Which makes this Monday gloomier than the last. Carrying the tendency to write for purging purposes I sometimes hit a rock in the road when I am content, happy. I’ve been searching for other sources of writer’s fuel. Suggestions?

On a second note/subject/thought entirely…”What I want to be when I grow up?” By Sarah

• Student. I hope I never stop learning, or having the desire for knowledge. I hope the thirst is never quenched, so I may continue to grow. Knowledge feeds more than just intelligence.
• Successful. To do what I love, money will follow. I have never had the desire to have riches, rather to enjoy what I do everyday. A summerhouse in the Hampton is not on my agenda, but rather a cozy home and my needs supplied for. To allow my children the ability to strive for their dreams, without barriers.
• Naive. I genuinely hope that life, people do not make me bitter. That I may never lose trust in good, and that I may go on freely giving the benefit of the doubt. I believe I have gained more than lost with this mentality. Other’s may see this as naïve; I call it hope.
• Dork. To never grow up is a gift, to still find the humor in things, and laugh at myself. Being corny and quirky is a talent/ quality I never want to lose. Without it, the days would be longer, the trials would be harder, and the good times wouldn’t be as fulfilling.
• Princess. Every girl/woman wants to be a princess. I don’t care who you are, don’t deny it. I hope I always take five minutes to pamper myself, to allow myself an indulgence. To allow my significant other to treat me as such (and to do the same in return).
• Mother. The older I become the more this title becomes sacred to me. When my time comes I pray to be a nurturer and to be able to love unconditionally.
• Spiritual. To never lose faith. Know that everything will be alright, even if that “everything” that is “alright” isn’t what I wanted/ hoped. There is no such thing as rock bottom.

Work, school, clean, homework, side projects, family, friends, boyfriend, bills….. It is so easy to fall into the trap of focusing so much on making the time to do these things, on the goals and what is to be done tomorrow. I am very susceptible to this line of thinking; today brought the revelation that I have fallen into this trap these past two weeks…. Or longer. Routine has always been my best friend, one of which is to drag myself into work and go through the Iphone. Mail… check….Twitter… check. Wait. Rummaging through twitters and randomly picking links this morning’ I stumbled across one tweeted by @gwenbell. Her reference to callmejeffrey.com’s recent post sliced through me as I read about taking the time to live in the moment, to focus on loved ones. My last goal on the post, “The Bashful First Post”, was to live in the present; which I have been failing miserably at lately. I am an obsessive-compulsive by nature, letting my mind roam and ponder things that are out of my control. It is a necessary struggle for me to stop and smell the roses. I have been focusing so much on goals, and what needs to be done; creating an unaware, self indulged psyche. Living in my own little world of to-do lists, neglecting the present moments, I misplaced the fact that time will always be there. Managing time wisely and separating task and mind whereabouts will allow freedom within structure. In an effort to correct/redirect these thought processes I shall adopt Gwen Bell’s (Blog located in blogroll) adopted idea of writing down three things to do a day, then setting out to do those things. After these items have been accomplished, STOP! Enjoy right now.

Moving my rice from side to side of my plate, I pondered my last post and the recent texts sitting in my inbox. I am in a constant state of improvement, and finding faults within my writing. Post, “Death and Taxes” bit off more than I could chew. It was broad, and everywhere. This is a common fault of mine, as my brain skips beats and steps, speeding past structure, format, and flow in a desperate attempt to get my point across. A friend of mine, author of Fragmentarie Blog (located in my blog roll), tackles the same plague of an ADHD riddled mind. I love her random loveliness; it brings me smiles. Should I embrace this thought pattern/ process or strive to formulate better flow and format? I understand what I am (was) saying but do you?

BTW- fixed the link to MaggieDammit’s blog in the blogroll! 

<– Typed “random” into the search engine of weheartit.com, this was the result.  Amusing.

The dark liquid warms my belly as the chattering of politics whisk back and forth. Conservative, Liberal, Democrat, Republican, Capitalists…..corruption, welfare, war, economy, evangelicals…. I have always considered myself to be more on the democratic side than the rather. Never claiming to know everything about politics, war, or policies I have always been more of an observer in these discussions rather than a participant. There are certain core beliefs that I keep close, which tend to deter my vote to the elected official of my choosing. As an average individual that inhabits this country, I clearly see the things that affect my everyday life, or others close to me (i.e. gas prices, taxes, marriage, FMLA, welfare, healthcare ect.). I do not believe that living in a conservative, capitalist driven society is the answer. In order to do so properly, these are things I believe that would need to take place first:

A) Raise minimum wage. An individual cannot live off of minimum wage. Going towards a conservative society would include cutting quite a few government funded programs and aids. In order to live off of minimum wage one would have to never get sick, use public transportation ( and if you live in San Antonio, this would mean taking two hours to get to work), and having extremely good luck. LIFE has a way of bringing up unexpected expenses, and minimum wage does not cover these expenses.

B) Prepare for the end of small business and a period of economic ruin. For this will happen if we stop bailouts and helping out businesses during this tough time. Crime would increase, and mortgages will go into default…. We would eventually get through it though…. Right?

I could probably list a few more things, but I am sure I will get enough emails as it is disagreeing with each of my points. These are the top two things I see at work, and in my daily life the most. I am positive my boyfriend is probably reading this, disagreeing with 99% of it for the sake of disagreeing and preparing for debate this evening. The point is that though I may not understand the ins and outs of our government, foreign policies, or economics. I do know that corruption is everywhere. There will be corruption is any society we create, for this is human nature. In either society whether it is conservative or not, power will be misplaced, therefore, I vote for the necessities and needs I see around me. This may be naive of ignorant, call it what you will. Everyone needs a helping hand once in a while; everyone hits hard times. I may be working hard for others to live off of welfare, but at least I know those services will be there for me, if I were to ever find myself in that situation due to a layoff or disability.

Waking up from an absurd dream this morning has set the mood for an absurd day. Still feeling as if I am in some sort of dream state, my feet reluctantly made their way into the office this morning. As I sat down, thinking about how horrifically far away the coffee machine is from me. My usually overly energetic coworker crouched over to whisper into my ear, “S- has a heart murmur. She is going to a specialist tomorrow, her doctor was very concerned.” My jaw drops as my mind starts to analyze the last two weeks of S- being overly tired, emotional, and down. Anxiously I awaited her arrival, to only hear the news confirmed. Already plagued with high blood pressure, she starts to relive the past three weekends adding headaches and anxiety to her list of symptoms. I tell her, “Maybe you are doing too much, and it catching up to you…. Maybe you just have too much on your plate… Maybe it’s the medication….. Maybe its lack of sleep….. Maybe its stress”………I pray. She has been a mom superwoman to me ever since I met her. A mother to five, a grandmother, fulltime worker, part time student, gracious friend,  and faithful wife there is never a dull moment. Her management skills are unparalleled. I pray God will grant her a break sometime soon, for if there was ever someone who deserved it, I can confidently say it would be her.

Suddenly, I am outraged.  As if having to take her son into surgery tomorrow morning wasn’t enough, her husband’s struggling business, her child’s behavorial problems.  It never mattered how little sleep I obtained, I could always count on her receiving less due to laundry, sick child, being a helpful friend, or homework.  She never complains; optimism excudes from her pores.  I am better with her as my cube buddy, friend.   I hate that there is nothing that I can do, take away, or lift off of her defeated shoulders.  I can only wait with her, till tomorrow’s appointment.  I can only make her smile and her life a little easier eight hours out of the day.  I hope that will be enough.

Happy Easter friends!  Mine was lovely.. for the most part.  We went to Community Bible Church, instead of our old church Village Parkway Baptist this morning, and I must say, I didn’t like it.  Maybe I am traditional, or old fashioned, however, I don’t believe church is for entertainment purposes.  We sat down in our cushioned stadium seating, as two huge built in moniters up ahead told us testimonials from the one of the thousands of church members.  As ushers whisked back and forth, placing members in the little seats left, the 100+ church choir came out, along with a praise team, ballerinas, the youth group, lights, and a display on the two lovely monitors followed by a presentation provided by the drama team.  The entire music, drama, light, dance filled ordeal was about 45 minutes followed by a 10 minute sermon……. 10 minutes… of teaching…………………….10!  What can you possible teach in great depth or detail in 10 minutes?  I felt jipped as we left the church, but fullfilled the rumblings in my tumbly at Johnny Carino’s with the fam.  My mother promised to take us to our old church next year, but explained that is where she will be attending from now on.  I felt saddened by this. Mega churches filled with motivational speakers are on the rise, as people turn for inspiration and comfort during the recession, and our stressed out population.  What are we truely learning from these churches?  What are they truely teaching us in ten minutes that will turn my life around?  My mind craves and demands explanation, detail, theology, and well thought out opinions.  Even if I may not agree with what is coming from the pulpit, I can go home with the satisfaction of a questioning mind of what I had just listened to, giving me something to ponder over my meal and maybe even the next couple days.