Top five things I wish I would of known before adopting a puppy:

5. Supplying stuffed animals roughly the same size as your puppy will ensue humping.

4. Vet bills. Is that a BMW, Mr. Vetrinarian?

3. Puppy ADHD. He wants outside, inside, on the couch, off the couch, in your lap, in your face, up and down then around all within the last final clincher of your favorite show. Not engaging him may result in more pooping/peeing although you took him out just 15 minutes ago. It seems any drop of liquid can induce piddle, even his own slobber.

2. Dog farts. You would swear on your life he pooped himself; a smell that comes out of a puppy so small it could be considered a phemenon.

1. How quickly you fall in love..

I won a blog award from Happylan and now I must list ten things I am happy for.  Here they are in no order:

WINE.  I say this as I drink the new wine the boyfriend brought home from Rio De Vino.  Graziano 2004 Mendcino.  Very nice, very fruity, full bodied.   Wine warms the chest as I feel the vapors spread to the tips of my fingers, it initiates the coziest of moments.

BEST FRIENDS.  You know who you are.

BOYFRIEND.   The Sans to my Serif.

IKEA.  My interior decorator.

NETFLIX.  Endless nights in.

HUMANITY.  The quality of being humane; seems so slippery these days.

CHI.  For fake straight hair – “Chi Hair”.

FAMILY.  The term normal may be undefined, but family can easily be defined as crazy. I love them for it.

CARDIGANS.  For making every outfit complete.

CHEESE.  Enough said.

Unsure I have ten blogs I can pass this on to, however, I do have one in my mind. Fragmentarie, I pass on the torch to you friend.

Oh my, it has been a while.  With my second to last post “Does this make me look fat?”, I had envisioned myself bi-weekly hopping on to update you on my diet success.  EPIC FAIL!  I was lovingly reminded today by Happylan that I needed to comeback to my original endeavor… write.  Recently, my position at work has changed to “Quality Analysis” which includes writing the manuals for my building (Yay me!).  This new job, training my replacement, and moving apartments has kept my head spinning for the last couple of weeks.  So, lessons learned of late:

1.  When starting a job/dept at your place of employment, firstly, create a timeline.  Otherwise, you will find yourself spending entirely too much time on the same project trying to bring it to unrealistic perfection.

2.  Don’t plan on going on a diet before moving.  With everything packed, you have no choice but to eat out.  The temptations are stronger than your will power when eating out for longer than 2 days.

3.  Always double the amount you originally planned to spend on your move.  When will start to remember this?

4.  Spin class is not good for your bottom, no matter how many butt pads you purchase.

5.  Finally, always check the shower before moving in.

Through and through, we made it.  We are here.  We are tired.

Stay tuned for how I manage to turn out a new manual with a deadline of 3 weeks!  Just call me Wonder Writer Woman.

P.S.  Read about how I fell into my new job at Tom Johnson’s Blog.

P.S.S.  My blog awarding and 10 happy things coming next… too.

One of the authors from one of  my favorite blogs had the brilliant idea to write the best of ‘09.  You were supposed to write one for each day of December, but I found this late.  So I am doing it all at once.  Next year I plan on doing this day by day as originally intended.

1 Trip.  I only took two.  But the best by far was South Padre. 

2 Restaurant moment.  Sushi Zushi.  Lunch with Stac.  Tipsy. 

3 Article. Most recently. “How to Lost 20 lbs of Fat in 30 Days…Without Doing any Exercise” By Tim Feriss….My official new diet.

4 Book. Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell.  Challenging.

5 Night out. Boneheads with Robert.  First time playing darts… first dates.

6 Workshop or conference. Not really.  Only conference I attended was South by Southwest, which I didn’t really attend.  Stayed in the hotel and waited for Robert.  Saw Diggnation live though.    

7 Blog find of the year. www. roslanche.com <– my own, as egotistical as that sounds.

8 Moment of peace. On the beach at South Padre.  Breathtaking.  Surreal.

9 Challenge. Dating Robert   Looking at my spiritual upbringing, and what that means/ how it applies now.

10 Album of the year. Discovered Mates Of State.  Rearrange

11 The best place. Freetails! 

12 New food. Chipotle Mayo dip.  You shall me the death of me/my diet.

13 What’s the best change you made to the place you live? Threw out so much this year.  I feel lighter.

14 Rush. First “I love you”

15 Best packaging. The pretty little box that my new watch came in. 

16 Tea of the year. The teas I gave Robert for Valentines day with the tea set.  Even if they turned out to be doll sized.

17 Word or phrase. “More”

18 Shop. Nordstrom Rack

19 Car ride. First fight.

20 New person. Can’t say Robert because technically I met him in ‘08.  Umm new?  Nikki & Bridget from work!  You are awesome!

21 Project. Department Manual

22 Startup. Rio De Vino.  I <3 this place.  They have never sold me a bad bottle of wine.

23 Web tool.  My Iphone.

24 Learning experience. I learned I have a temper.

25 Gift. Love, Trust. 

26 Insight or aha! moment. Why wait till after college to start your career?

27 Social web moment. Twitter, you have transformed my life…. Literally.

28 Stationery. I discovered Moleskin… my new planner!

29 Laugh. Pooping

30 Ad. The two little kids talking… yeah that one… awesome.

31 Resolution you wish you’d stuck with. Journal.

Due to holiday weight and the persistent nature of Robert, I am undertaking a diet.  I have done something similar to this a couple years ago, the South Beach Diet.  Wish me luck. 

I will be posting my meals on this blog in an attempt to record my meals and to ensure accountability (atleast I hope so).  The diet is for 30 days, but I hope to make this a lifestyle change.  This is my “practice week” in an effort to allow some adjustment time, and the official diet starts on the 4th.

“An intellectual is not just someone who might be able to translate “heuristics” or someone who liked to spend her summers reading nineteenth-century novels or a pile of biographies of physicists.  It’s someone whose instinct is to analyze anything that happens and try to make some sense out of it.”

From “About Alice” by Calvin Trillin

“WHAT ELSE?!” Jimmy yelled.  After Sue’s lead on Doris, she became strangely silent as Jimmy pressed her for more information.

 ”Sigh” Sue sighed.  Sue was the type of sharpener that would say sigh as she sighed to ensure her listener knew she was in fact sighing.  Jimmy watched as her pencil shrapnel  fluffed up in a momentary whirlwind and defiantly waited for them to find their resting place.

 ”Fine”, Jimmy spouted as he decidedly started to leave his new found love, turning annoyance, to search out his lead.  Perhaps she had been listening to the others?  Jimmy knew what they said, and heard the snickers as he passed.  They failed to see him as a “real” appliance for he didn’t even had a cord.  He had also heard rumors of one of those new, overly hyped electronic  automatic staplers was moving into town.  Jimmy let the fear over take him for less then a second before vowing to solve this mystery.  It not to free Fred, but to secure his place in this humble town of theirs. 

***

Jimmy pulled out his list and quickly erased what he had only crossed out regarding Sue.  He could still see her faded name however; it seemed to scream at him so much that he looked around for chance she followed him.  As he looked around he came across a figure peering into him as if he had forgotten to close his staple holder.  He watched as Ethel moved toward him slowly and with such caution he looked around himself to ward off any other stragglers. 

 ”Listen Jimmy, and listen good” Ethel whispered in a harsh tone.  “Stay away from Doris, and leave Fred be.  We are all better off without that inks bum loser.  Or else…”

 ”Or else?” Jimmy probed.  “Look Ethel, I know that you and Doris are BFF’s now that the love object you both had in common has been whisked away.  I also know that you’ve always wanted to belong, to have a best friend.  Perhaps you planted the evidence ?  You never wanted a lover , you can have anyone you want.  Why Fred?”

 To be continued…

The lovely, cardigan weather contradicted Jimmy’s mood as he went over his fact list.

 Fact #1- Fred used to be a inks bum.

 Fact #2- Fred has easy access to ink given he was a printer.

 Fact #3- Fred had a smear on his person/ printer at the time of his arrest.

 Fact #4- Sue the Pencil Sharpener had a great cord…

Fact #4- It was very crowded at the party, where known ex inks bums and the like were congregating.

 Fact #5- Fred was in a good relationship theoretically, making his emotional state primarily stable and happy.  So why would he need to return to his dark addiction?

 As Jimmy contemplated the last fact he spotted Ethel conversing with Doris. “At least something good came out of this”, Jimmy said to himself as he tried to think of more facts about the case.  Jimmy decided that he would have to start interrogating the witnesses if he was going to really crack this case.  He decided to interrogate Sue first since this would give him an excuse to see her again.  As he headed over to Sue’s he couldn’t help but notice the odd, painful expression on Doris’ face.  He put the thought aside, figuring it was normal given her best friend was in the bin…literally.  Finally reaching Sue, Jimmy decided not to waste any time.  Sue giggled over his overly professional and intense mannerisms as he started to initiate the interrogation.

 ”Where were you the night of Fred’s arrest?”

 ”I was with you, silly.  I was your date to the Power Surge.” 

 Jimmy smiled to himself as he thought of the way Sue looked the night, but quickly regain his composure… this was serious.

 ”Was there anything out of the ordinary?”

 ”Well, Fred got arrested.”

 ”We know that, but is there anything else that you can remember?” Jimmy responded looking more and more visibly frustrated.

 ”Not really.  I just don’t understand why they would arrest Fred when there were four other people there with smears.”

 ”Four?”  Jimmy questioned.  “I only remember three.”

 ”Yes.  Three.  I am sure of it.  There was… Frank the Fax, Barb the Monitor…umm… Joey the Stapler remover…” 

 Jimmy winced at the last name.  Joey was his fraternal twin; he hated him. 

 ”and…” Sue paused, enjoying the excitement and make Jimmy wait.  “Doris”.

To be continued…

The make shift jail cell, which used to be a storage bin, was cold and damp.  Fred replayed the night in his head trying to come up with an explanation; anything to justify his false imprisonment.   As he lay there, among the worst of Electroville, he thought of Ethel’s and Doris’ faces as they dragged him away from the Power Surge.  He sighed as he wondered if either would ever be able to forgive him… He found his emotions and thoughts lingering on Doris, and contemplated what this meant for him. 

Jimmy made his way to Fred, signing in for visitation.  “Fred! What happened?”  Fred told Jimmy his long sad story of Sally and his old addiction.  He swore he quit, but after hearing these news of Fred’s old ways, Jimmy’s view of Fred began to change.  How could Fred not of told him sooner?  He had seen the old has-beens, sitting dusty and miserable in piles hoping for just one more drop of ink.  He was thankful Fred never got to this point..but Jimmy was confused.  He left the jail cell full of thought and rushed back to Sue for comfort and advice.  Should he continue his quest to free Fred?

Doris’s bulbs beamed light red through the tears, as she quickly wiped them away to avoid rust, and electrocution.  She leaned against her cubicle wall as she watched Jimmy on his new mission to free Fred.  If he only knew what she knew; Fred would be free instantly.  Why was she hesitating?

 Ethel kept busy cleaning and dusting.  He mind often veering towards Fred, no matter how hard she tried not to let it.  She decided to head over to Doris’.  Once enemies, Ethel felt close to Doris, even though she didn’t know if Doris felt the same way.  They had a mutual affection towards someone that had been torn away like a paper being torn out of a typewriter.  Ethel approached Doris, relieved that she was received kindly.  She had to let it out, so she talked to Doris about her thoughts, their relationship, and everything she had ever kept secret.  She felt so relieved, as if a one of the “Big Ones” had come in and maintenance her themself.  Laughing and talking like old friends, they peered across the fluorescent lit carpet.  “Ethel”, Doris said quietly, “There is one more thing….”

To be continued…..

It all happened so quickly.  The Projectors, Electroville’s police force, forced their way into the crowd, bent two antennas, until they finally reached Fred.  “Fred the Printer, you are under arrest for suspicion of ink smearing and dealing”.  The Projectors whose purpose was to “Project and Serve”, spreading light upon the truth and for all to view; were never a force to be reckoned with.  Fred cried, “There’s been a mistake!!!  I am clean I swear!  Please Doris, believe me! Ethel?”  The two were too stunned to speak, sharing the same riveted faces painted white. 

 Jimmy and Sue could be seen hiding behind some filing cabinets, watching the scene.  “I see the smear on Fred!” whispered Sue, and it wasn’t long before Jimmy spotted it too.  Jimmy also spotted it on Joey the Fax, Mary the Monitor, and … Doris?  He could barely make out the small dot, but there it was.  Was someone framing people?  Was there an undetected spill?  Jimmy couldn’t be  sure, but he was going to find out.  “Sue, they need me.  I am going to investigate”.  “No”, cried Sue, “Not with Joey the Fax, he is known for being ugly.  None of his pages ever come out neatly.”  “I’ll be ok Sue. I promise.”  And off went Jimmy, into the strobe lights and streamers; despite his new budding romance with Sue.  He was starting to care for her in a way that went far beyond pencil shavings and clattering staples. 

 After the two had time to let the scene become their reality Doris felt the tears begin to fall.  Ethel quietly began to walk away, then turned.  “It has to be a mistake, Doris.  Fred is too good for that.  I know it!”  Doris just shook her head and followed Ethel down the corridor.

To be continued…